Back in February, Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry got engaged after three years of relationship and heart felts “I want to be with you forever” but also some “I hate you and I never should’ve let you touch my butthole”.
But even though it seems like the relationship is more stable than ever and Orlando managed to ‘put a ring on it’, don’t expect to see them walking down the aisle anytime soon.
Katy revealed during an appearance on Kiss FM that they’re taking things slow. “We’re definitely trying to lay a good emotional foundation for the lifetime of commitment, which is a big deal to me,” she told the host.
But that sounded like a bunch of bull to us, so we went to her house and demanded a real answer. After she stopped screaming “Who the fuck are you?” and “Get out of my house or I’ll call the police, you sick perverts”, she agreed to talk to us, because we proved we are not perverts–just simple folks trying to find out why she’s delaying her wedding.
Mock Diaries: Talk to us. What’s the real reason for the delay?
Katy Perry: You promise you’ll leave if I tell you?
Mock Diaries: Yes.
Katy Perry: Ok. Please don’t touch anything.
Mock Diaries: We weren’t touching anything!
Katy Perry: Well first I want to say I love Orli with all my heart and he’s the most handsome man….
Mock Diaries: Sure. Get to the good stuff.
Katy Perry: It’s not like this bothers me, but he likes wearing this blonde wig at night and sits on the edge of the bed and just stares at me while I’m sleeping.
Mock Diaries: Everyone has its quirks.
Katy Perry: Right. So he doesn’t sleep for most of the night. So during the day he falls asleep everywhere.
Katy Perry: Like we could be cooking together and I ask him to pass the tomatoes or whatever and he doesn’t because he’s on the floor, asleep.
Mock Diaries: Why can’t you get the tomatoes yourself?
Katy Perry: That’s not the point!!
Mock Diaries: What is the point??!
Katy Perry: I would like him not to fall asleep in random places!!!
Mock Diaries: I would’ve thought you wanted him not to stare at you all night with the creepy wig on….
Katy Perry: Can you leave now?!
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
