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Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez recently bought a $40 million mansion on Miami’s exclusive Star Island. Their new home has no less than 10 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms, an elevator, library, wine room and a top of the line kitchen.

Although the A-listers couldn’t give me an official tour of their new home, Jennifer and I looked at pictures of the house together. This is everything she told me:

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Jennifer Lopez: This is the master bedroom. I think. I’m pretty sure that it is. [Yells at Alex Rodriguez] Babe, is this the master bedroom? 

Alex Rodriguez: What?! 

Jennifer: Is this the master bedroom?! 

Alex: I can’t hear you, my love!

Jennifer: Forget him. It is… I mean, it has to be. Look at it. It’s huge!

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Jennifer: So THIS is obviously the master bedroom. Forget everything I said about the last image. See? It even has a terrace. That bed is awfully small though. Alex and I like sleeping close to each other but no one should ever sleep THAT close. I don’t think he’d even fit by himself. He’s a big guy. Not too big though. I like my men average. 

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Jennifer: I didn’t know just how much I dislike having a gigantic shower in the middle of my bathroom until I had to use this bathroom. 

Bea: [Silence]

Jennifer: Alex loves it though. He says we can finally shower together. He’s under the false impression that the reason we’ve never done that is that our current shower isn’t big enough.

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Jennifer: Oh, this is the kitchen. I like it because it has a contemporary modern feel, yet it looks really old, ya know?

Bea: Do you even like this house?

Jennifer: I love it. It cost us $40 million dollars so I better love it.

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Jennifer: This is the wine room. I’ve always dreamed of having a big wine room. I guess I’ll have to keep dreaming. 

Bea: Well it may not look like much, but the decoration is what’s truly awful. 

[Alex Rodriguez approaches us.]

Alex: How’s it goin’, ladies? Isn’t that wine room the most beautiful wine room you’ve ever seen? 

[Alex kisses Jennifer on the cheek and goes away again.]

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Jennifer: This is just a picture of a dock. [yells at Alex Rodriguez] Babe… what’s with the dock?? Do we have a dock? I don’t remember seeing one.

Alex: What did you say, beautiful?

Jennifer: Ugh, he’s useless. 

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Jennifer: This is the infinity pool. 

Bea: Wow. This is actually really nice.

Jennifer: Right? It has a jacuzzi, a fountain, an outdoor cabana and a bar. I literally cannot wait to throw massive parties in this area when the kids finally leave in 17 years. 

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Read more from Mock Diaries:

—Interview: Prince Harry Opens Up About Buying His First Home with Meghan and Admits It Was a Little Too Expensive

—Chris Pratt Shared the Private Messages He Received From His Famous Friends After the Birth of His Baby Girl

—Interview: Jenna Dewan Tries to Explain the Breastfeeding Experience to a Man

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