Ever since Ben Affleck told a New York Times’ reporter that his biggest regret in life is his divorce with Jennifer Garner, people can’t seem to stop talking about it, so I asked the two actors to get together with me to put an end to all the speculation on their marriage.
Bea: Hi you two. Thanks for doing this with me.
Jennifer: Absolutely.
Ben Affleck: No problem.
Bea: I like starting my interviews off light, so my first question is pretty easy: why did you decide to end your 10-year marriage?
Jennifer: Wow… I mean… I wasn’t prepared to answer that.
Bea: Is it because Ben got that gigantic kooky bird tattoo on his back?
Ben Affleck: It’s a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Bea: A phoenix is a bird, yes?
Jennifer: [laughs]
Ben Affleck: We were already separated when I got it.
Bea: Bless the heavens.
*Silence*
Bea: How long have you been divorced?
Jennifer: We’ve been separated since 2015 but officially divorced since 2018.
Bea: But you still keep in touch?
Ben Affleck: Every day.
Jennifer: Yes, because of the children. We have three kids together.
Bea: I hear you. Kids ruin everything.
Jennifer: Oh my goodness no, our kids are the best thing that have ever happened to us.
Bea: Well, of course you have to say that.
Jennifer: I mean it. They are my life!
Ben Affleck: Yeah. They’re good people.
Bea: Alright. Ben, you recently told The New York Times that your biggest regret in life is this divorce.
Ben Affleck: Yes…
Bea: That’s ridiculous. You’re an alcoholic and you have a weird tattoo that covers your entire back.
Ben Affleck: Can you people stop criticizing my tattoo?! It means a lot to me. I got it during a very difficult, very painful time in my life!! If you don’t like it, TOO BAD.
Bea: What do you mean by “you people”?
Ben Affleck: You, the press! Just mind your own business and stop talking about what I do or don’t do with my body! It is mine to do whatever the f8ckity f8ck I want!
*Silence*
*Silence*
*Silence*
Jennifer: I don’t like it either.
Bea: It’s very on the nose.
Jennifer: Uh-huh.
More Hilarious Interviews:
—Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston Discuss the Possibility of Getting Back Together
—Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara Open Up About Their Relationship for the First Time Ever
—Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas Open Up About Finding out They’re Pregnant
