After news broke that Channing Tatum and Jessie J. were back together, I called their agents to arrange a meeting with both of them and get all the deets myself. They agreed to meet me at a cafe near Channing’s place, where I had coffee and a delicious breakfast that they paid for because I’m cheap that way.
Bea: Hi guys. Thank you so much for agreeing to meet me.
Channing: Of course.
Jessie: No worries.
Bea: Congratulations on getting back together. You must be so happy and having a lot of coitus.
Jessie: Excuse me??
Channing: What did she say?
Jessie: She said coitus!
Channing: Oh… Yeah. Lots.
Jessie: Chan! That is private!!
Bea: You are so lucky. I wish my boyfriend would talk to strangers about our sex life.
Jessie: …
Channing: All I’m saying is we are very happy to be spending time together again.
Jessie: That’s right. We are very very happy.
Bea: You actually look pretty tired, Jessie.
Jessie: Really? No, not at all.
Bea: Are you sleeping okay?
Jessie: Yes.
Bea: Are you sure? Cause you look exhausted.
Jessie: I’m feeling good.
Bea: Doesn’t she look exhausted?
Jessie: GODDAMMIT. I’M NOT EXHAUSTED.
Channing: …
Bea: …
Jessie: …
Bea: I was just making conversation. Jeez.
