Blake Lively has a new movie coming out. After taking some time out of the spotlight, the mother of three is back on the promotional circuit for The Rhythm Section. She sat down with me to talk about things that interest me—like her body and her life—, and the movie she was contractually obligated to talk about.
Bea: Hi Blake. Thank you for doing this with me.
Blake: Of course.
Bea: Congrats on your third baby!
Blake: Aww. Thank you.
Bea: I really admire women who decide not to lose the baby weight.
Blake: *Coughs* Well… I had my baby three months ago. I’m still working on it.
Bea: Sure. As I said, I applaud you for staying plump.
Blake: …
Bea: What was it like going from two to three kids?
Blake: It’s pretty crazy! My husband and I are outnumbered and it’s so fun but it’s a lot.
Bea: Aww. That’s why I make my boyfriend wear condoms.
Blake: …
Bea: I’m just kidding. I’m on the pill.
Blake: That’s… nice.
Bea: Anyway, how’s your husband, Ryan Reynolds?
Blake: He’s with the girls right now, they’re all probably playing some silly game together. He’s truly the best dad.
Bea: My mom thinks he’s the most fuckable man on the planet.
Blake: Yeah. I mean… he’s a good looking man. But he’s taken!
Bea: My mom is taken too. That wouldn’t stop her.
Blake: She sounds sweet.
Bea: Let’s talk about your new movie.
Blake: Yes, please.
Bea: I saw the trailer. You look beautiful, as always.
Blake: You think so? My character is supposed to look god-awful.
Bea: That’s just what people say, Blake. Don’t make this awkward.
Blake: *Silence*
Bea: *Silence*
Blake: Well, thanks for having me. I had an amazing time.
Bea: I’m very happy to hear that.
Blake: That’s what I’m supposed to say, right? To not make you uncomfortable…
As I perused here from Instagram, full of hope for something that would add to my day – little did I know that I was about to read a complete piece-of-trash-waste-of-time in the form of what I can only guess is a high-school journalism project written by a future McDonald’s line cook* who may or may not be named, “Bea”. Thank you for adding garbage to the garbage heap.
*This statement does not reflect negatively on the McFlurry or any affiliated menu items from McDonald’s.
That’s funny.