It appears that Vera Wang is a 70-year-old woman trapped in a 20-year-old body… and yes, the world is awestruck. After seeing the photos Vera posted on Instagram of her toned abs and skinny AF arms, I couldn’t call her fast enough to ask just exactly what her secret is. Our conversation had to be over video-call since social-distancing is still a thing.
Bea: Hi Vera. Thanks for doing this with me.
Vera: No problem. Thanks for having me.
Bea: It appears that the whole internet is freaking out over the insane fact that you are ancient but don’t look it.
[Silence]
Vera: I’m only 70 years old… I’m certainly—
Bea: My point exactly. So what is your secret?!
Vera: Well … there is no secret. It’s mostly genetic.
Bea: NO. I refuse to believe that.
Vera: I guess…. I drink a lot of water. More than 2 liters a day. And I try to keep my sun exposure to a minimum, especially— what are you doing??
Bea: I’m putting on an avocado face mask.
Vera: Why?
Bea: How else do you expect me to keep my face looking moist?
Vera: But we’re talking right now… This is very unprofessional.
Bea: Is it? Okay.
[I turn the camera off. Vera can only hear my voice but I can still see her.]
Vera: What’d just happen??
Bea: What else do you do to look so yummy? Do you work out a lot?
[I finish applying my mask on.]
Vera: Why can’t I see you???
[I turn the camera back on. My face is covered in avocado.]
Bea: I’ve been working out twice a day since I saw your pictures…
Vera: That’s not good…
Bea: Why not? You may be the first old lady to look this good, but I’m next, Vera.
Vera: Actually, excessive exercise can be really bad for your body.
Bea: No…. I refuse to believe that.
Vera: It’s true. It increases your chances of having a stroke or a heart attack, not to mention it decreases your libido.
Bea: No. I had sexual intercourse four times last night. And I would’ve done it a fifth time but my boyfriend started crying because “he couldn’t do it anymore.”
[Silence]
Vera: You really shouldn’t share that…
Bea: Can you excuse me? I need to use the toilet… I’ve been drinking too much water.
Vera: Can’t it wait?!
[I leave the room for 17 minutes to go to the bathroom.]
Vera: You were gone for so long! But it’s good. It gave me time to think of something else I do to keep myself looking young.
Bea: There’s no time, Vera. I read it’s crucial to go to bed early so I’m gonna have to end this now.
Vera: It’s 6:30 pm.
Bea: Exactly. Good night.
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Ellen Degeneres Finally Addresses Those Nasty Rumors that She’s Not Nice
—Ashton Kutcher Explains Why Mila Kunis Had a Rough Mother’s Day—and Why He Thought It Was Hilarious
—Kim Kardashian Admits She and Kanye Are “At Each Other’s Throats” Right Now
