Meghan Markle invited me and four other people to her LA home to watch the sappy documentary about elephants that she narrated. I was in New York when I got her email, stalking the wrong Olsen twin (long story, read it here) but decided that this was worth the $200 dollars I was gonna have to pay to fly back to LA earlier.
Don’t get me wrong, I could not care less about the documentary, but was very interested in seeing Meghan and Harry’s new mansion.
When the five of us got there, Meghan took us to the screening room and gave a 27-minute speech about elephants, before playing the documentary about elephants. Why she decided to bore us to death like that is beyond me. No one cares about elephants that much. No one.
I’m pretty sure that the guy sitting next to me fell asleep 10 minutes into her speech, but the guy sitting on the other side of him definitely fell asleep, and he was snoring very loudly. It was distracting. Not that I cared.
Once the documentary started, I excused myself to go to the toilet. And yes, I took pictures of everything I saw on my way there.
This is the living room. It’s a little creepy for my taste. Everything looks old, but maybe that’s just how Harry likes it. It probably reminds him of his grandmother. It certainly reminds me of mine. Nice Christmas tree though. Good thinking of having it ready since May.
I got a little lost for a few minutes and winded up in the kitchen. “Only Believe”. That’s nice. But believing can’t be the only thing that I do. Drinking water is kind of important, as is breathing air. Perhaps “Believe, but don’t forget to do other essential things to stay alive” might be a better quote.
Those presents are probably Archie’s since he celebrated his first birthday a few days ago. I gave myself permission to open the one from Pottery Barn. I’ve always liked that store. It was a candle holder. Who gives a one-year-old a candle holder? Who gives anyone a candle holder??
Eventually, I did find the bathroom. I’d been gone for so long that I actually needed to use the toilet by the time I got there. That thing in the middle is a freaking jacuzzi. It took everything I had not to get naked and get in there.
I found this nice terrace on my way back to the screening room and I sat there for a few minutes, contemplating the view. Then, two bodyguards came for me and escorted me out of the house.
I’m sad I didn’t get to say goodbye, but definitely relieved I didn’t have to lie about how much I enjoyed the documentary about elephants.
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Mary-Kate Olsen Opens Up About Her Divorce in Rare Interview
—Ellen Degeneres Finally Addresses Those Nasty Rumors that She’s Not Nice
—Ashley Benson Opens Up About Break Up and Says it was Cara Delevingne Who Made the Call
