The moment I found out Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn are quarantining together, I called Joe’s agent and hopped on a plane to London, England to meet with the two celebrities. This is everything that happened from the moment I knocked on Joe Alwyn’s door.
[Joe Alwyn opens the door.]
Bea: Hi Joe.
Joe: Hello…
Bea: Sorry I’m late.
Joe: Late? Oh, are you the person who was supposed to interview me at 3:00 pm?
Bea: Yes.
Joe: It’s 8:00 o’clock in the afternoon.
Bea: I know it’s 8:00 o’clock, Joseph… When I arrived at the airport yesterday I coughed ONCE and security took me to a black room to check my temperature, but they didn’t have a goddamn thermometer so they held me there until they found one, and that only took 11 hours and 46 minutes.
Joe: Wait, what?? That’s insane.
Bea: I hate the British. Why they couldn’t just buy a new thermometer instead of finding their old used one is beyond me.
Joe: Why don’t you come back tomorrow morning and we can do the interview then?
[I let myself in the house.]
Bea: Don’t be ridiculous.
Joe: It’s late and Taylor and I are playing Scrabble…
Bea: I hate Scrabble. That game is for old people.
[I see Taylor Swift sitting on the floor, waiting for Joe to come back.]
Bea: Hi, Taylor.
Taylor: OMG, you again?
[I sit down on the floor next to her.]
Joe: Do you know each other?
Bea: Yeah, I’ve interviewed Taylor once or twice before.
Taylor: What are you doing here?
Bea: I’m here to interview Joe. Do you guys not communicate?
Joe to Taylor: She was late because of some issues at the airport. I wouldn’t ask if I were you.
[Silence]
Bea: How long have you been quarantining together?
Joe: About six weeks.
Taylor: Yeah, this is our seventh week together.
Bea: Is this the longest time you’ve spent together in one place?
Taylor: [laughs] For sure.
Bea: Can you get your cat away from me? I’m allergic. I could die.
Joe: Seriously? Taylor has three cats and they are all here.
Bea: It’s fine. Is it just the two of you here? How do you entertain yourselves?
Taylor: We’ve been cooking a lot, we’ve been listening to old songs and watching old movies and—
Bea: You’ve had sexual intercourse, I hope.
[Silence]
Joe: You don’t look very good. Are you okay?
Bea: I’m—
[I was told I passed out.]
Read more funny interviews by Bea:
—Gigi Hadid Opens Up About Her Baby with Zayn Malik and the Moment She Found Out It’s a Girl
—Chris Pratt Tells The Story Of How He Found Out His Wife Katherine Was Pregnant
—Chrissy Teigen Opens Up About Being Body-Shamed on Twitter and How It Makes Her Feel
