I’d been pretty bored all day until I read online that today was the two year anniversary of Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra’s first date. I remembered having Nick’s email address somewhere, so I thought I’d try FaceTiming him to find out what they did to celebrate.
Much to my surprise, he didn’t pick up. But I’m nothing if not persistent, so I called him 51 more times. He was in his bathroom brushing his teeth when he finally appeared on my phone’s screen. Who answers a FaceTime call in the bathroom? He’s so weird.
Nick: [with his toothbrush in his mouth] Who is this???
Bea: Hi, Nick.
Nick: Hi. Who are you?
Bea: Seriously?? It’s Bea. We’ve met at Joe and Sophie’s house at least 16 times.
Actually, we’d never met but I couldn’t say that to him or he would’ve thought I was a psychopath.
Nick: Oh, right, right. How are you?
I swear to god, this lie works every time. Every. Time.
Bea: I’m good. Just hanging out at home with my boyfriend Lucas. How about you?
Nick: Uh… getting ready to go to sleep actually. Can we talk another time?
Bea: No, right now is fine. I read that today was the two year anniversary of your first date with Priyanka. Did you guys do anything special?
Nick: Nah, not really.
I hear a horrible noise in the background. It sounds like a cat is dying while giving birth to a baby monkey that it’s ripping everything on its way out. Truly horrific.
Bea: What is that?!
Nick: Uh… that’s Priyanka. She’s been trying to learn how to play the piano.
Bea: How incredibly unfortunate for you.
[Silence]
Nick: [yelling over the noise] She’s been trying really hard. She plays every day for hours and hours… I don’t know how she does it but every day she manages to get worse.
Bea: [also yelling] You’ve got to tell her. For your own—
The noise stops. She’s done torturing us.
Nick: When she stops playing before going to bed… that’s the highlight of my entire day.
Priyanka walks in.
Priyanka: Whatcha doin’, love?
Nick: Nothing. Just talking to Bea.
Priyanka: Who?
Nick: Bea. We’ve met her a few times at Joe and Sophie’s.
Bea: Hi Priyanka!
Priyanka: Hi. Sorry, I don’t remember meeting you at all…
Bea: I’m sorry… what did you say?
Priyanka: That I don’t remember—
Bea: It’s. Breaking. Up. The. Connection. Sorry. What.
I hang up. It’s easy to fool a man into pretending that they know me, but women… we are special creatures. We always see through the bullcrap.
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Mary-Kate Olsen Opens Up About Her Divorce in Rare Interview
—Meghan Markle Gives an Unexpected Tour of Her LA Mansion (with Pictures)
—Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas Find Out the Sex of Their Baby on Their Wedding Anniversary
