Three days ago I found out that Khloe Kardashian is selling her mansion, so ~obviously~ I called her real estate agent and pretended to be interested in the property to get myself invited to the house.
The showing was this morning at 10:00 am, but I showed up early because I wanted Khloe to be the one opening the door, not the realtor. Khloe was in her pajamas and was VERY upset that I arrived at 7:00 am.
Luckily she calmed down eventually and let me in.
Khloe: I don’t know what you’re gonna do while you wait for three hours…
Bea: I wouldn’t mind having breakfast… Can you make me some eggs?
Khloe: Absolutely not. Please go sit outside, I don’t have time to entertain you right now.
This is where Khloe told me to sit:
Seventeen minutes later, Tristan Thompson came out and sat across from me.
Bea: Hello…
Tristan: Hi.
And THAT’S IT. That’s all he said to me. He just sat there. He took his shoes off and sat there. FOR HOURS… What felt like hours, anyway.
Then Khloe came outside.
Khloe: Tristan, what are you doing sitting here? You were supposed to be helping me make sure everything’s ready for the showing.
Tristan: That’s not for another three hours…
Khloe: Well some people are showing up early.
She then angrily pointed at me.
Tristan: I was wondering who she was…
Khloe: Ughhhhhhh…
Khloe threw herself into the chair next to mine.
Khloe: You’re impossible sometimes.
The three of us sat there in uncomfortable silence.
Bea: Is anybody else hungry?
Tristan: I am.
Khloe: I’m not making either one of you breakfast!!
Tristan: I’ll get us some cheese and crackers.
Tristan stood up and went inside.
Bea: How’s quarantine going with him living with you and True?
Khloe paused for a few seconds.
Khloe: It’s been alright.
Bea: Your daughter must love it… seeing her two parents living under the same roof.
Khloe: Yeah… she’s happy. She’s a happy kid… I must admit it’s been nice having him here.
Tristan came back empty-handed.
Bea: And the cheese and the crackers?
Tristan: Couldn’t find them.
Khloe: Ughhhhhhhh.
Tristan sat down.
Khloe: You. Are. Useless!!
No one spoke after that. Khloe was really angry. I was very hungry. And I’m pretty sure Tristan fell asleep. He was wearing his sunglasses so there was no way to know with certainty.
Tomer, the realtor, showed up eventually. He took one look at me and knew there is no way that at my age I had $19 million dollars just lying around to buy this house. I was asked to leave the property immediately.
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Nick Jonas Admits He Hates the New ‘Skill’ Priyanka Chopra Learned During Quarantine
—Kanye Admits Kim Has Been Hiding in Closets to Avoid Talking to Him During Quarantine
—Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas Can’t Stop Touching Each Other and It’s Grossing People Out
