I was having breakfast with my boyfriend Lucas when I first heard that Sofia Richie and Scott Disick had broken up after three years of being together. (!!!) I, of course, finished my breakfast because I don’t care enough about those two to stop the most important meal of the day.
But immediately after I finished eating my scrambled eggs and gave Lucas seventeen kisses on his beautiful bald head, I called Khloe Kardashian and asked for Sofia’s number. Khloe and I go way back. Since yesterday morning, to be precise. Sadly, Khloe only had Scott’s cell.
Scott: Hello?
Bea: Can I have Sofia’s phone number?
Scott: Who is this?!
Bea: Can you do it or not? I’m late for my pottery class.
I’ve learned that telling people to hurry when you ask them to do you a favor makes it more likely they’ll do it. I don’t know why this works. But it does.
I then FaceTimed Sofia, who at the time of my call was eating cereal in her friend’s kitchen.
Bea: Hi girl. Whatcha doin’?
That’s another trick I’ve learned. If you act like you know a person, they get confused and 8 out of 10 times they’ll pretend they know who you are.
Sofia: [with her mouth full] Uh… not much. Just having breakfast.
Bea: I’m sorry about you and Scott.
Sofia: Thanks. How did you know?
Bea: Uh…. Stacey told me.
Sofia: Stacey? Who’s Stacey?
Dammit.
Bea: Stacey is….. friends with… Gloria who heard it from Tom… who… The point is that I know.
Everyone knows a Gloria or a Tom.
Sofia: [still chewing] Ok.
Bea: How are you feeling? Are you okay?
Sofia: I’m sad… I know it’s for the best and … I can’t help him anymore… he needs to be alone right now… but, you know….
Bea: Totally.
Luckily, I knew exactly what to say when she expressed sadness because right before I called her I googled “what to say to a friend who’s struggling after a breakup”.
Bea: “Just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you.”
Sofia: Awww, thanks. It’s so nice of you to—
Bea: “Things might suck right now, but everything is going to be OK.”
Sofia: You’re so right! I know it in my heart that—
Bea: “Pack your gym bag. I’ve got a surprise for you after work.”
Sofia: … What?
Oh shit.
Bea: “I’m always here for you to listen or help however I can.”
Sofia: That means a lot to me. Really. Thank you.
She was about to cry but whoever was in the house with her asked her to go upstairs. We hung up but have been texting all day.
I guess I really am Sofia Richie’s friend now.
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Khloe Kardashian Admits It’s Been Nice Living with Tristan Thompson During the Quarantine
—Nick Jonas Admits He Hates the New ‘Skill’ Priyanka Chopra Learned During Quarantine
—Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas Can’t Stop Touching Each Other and It’s Grossing People Out
