Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are quarantining together during this global pandemic, while they await the birth of their daughter. I went over to their house to ask Orlando how they’re coping with everything that’s going on. This is what happened:
[Orlando Bloom opens the door.]
Bea: Hi.
Orlando: You didn’t ring the doorbell, did you?
Bea: Of course I—
Orlando: Goddammit. I told you to text me instead!
Bea: What difference does it make?
[Orlando looks at me with anger and fear in his eyes.]
Orlando: Oh, it makes a big difference! Let’s just hope you didn’t wake her up.
Bea: Who… Katy?
Orlando: Shhhhh, don’t mention her name. She can sense it.
[Orlando takes me to a private room in the house and closes the door behind him.]
Orlando: Keep your voice down while you’re here, don’t make eye contact with anyone outside this room and try not to breathe too loudly.
Bea: What is going on??
Orlando: Those are the unwritten rules in this house. It’s tough at first but you get used to them eventually.
Bea: Oh my…. Is that what Katy told you when you moved in with her?
Orlando: No no, of course not… I’ve learned them the hard way.
Bea: Oh, Orlando.
Orlando: [sighs] It’s okay. It’s my fault. I’ve been told I’m very annoying. And the way I breathe is intolerable.
[Silence]
Bea: It’s gonna get better…. It’s just her pregnancy hormones and the quarantine. She’s under a lot of stress right now.
Orlando: You think so…?
Bea: Of course! Come here…
[I lean in and hug him.]
Orlando: Get off me. We just met!
[Silence]
Katy Perry: *from a different room in the house* Orlando??
Orlando: [Silence]
Katy Perry: Orlando??
Orlando: *whispering* Sometimes, if I ignore her, she goes back to sleep.
Katy Perry: ORLANDO?!?!
Orlando: Nope, not today. Gotta go.
[Orlando gets up and leaves the room. I wait for 57 minutes before I decide to leave. How effing rude.]
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Meghan Markle Gives an Unexpected Tour of Her LA Mansion (with Pictures)
—Mary-Kate Olsen Opens Up About Her Divorce in Rare Interview
—Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green Talk About Why They Split After 10 Years of Marriage
