It’s been two months since the Daily Mail first reported that Tom Holland and Nadia Parkes are secretly dating. Then yesterday, without anyone asking, Tom posted a picture of the actress on his Instagram. What does this mean, Thomas?? My name is Justin Adler, and that’s exactly what I asked Tom Holland.
Adler: Konnichiwa, Tom.
Tom: Is that Japanese?
Adler: It better be… otherwise I don’t know what the heck I’ve been teaching myself for the past three years.
Tom: You’re teaching yourself? Isn’t Japanese like super hard…?
Adler: Not for me…. but as I said, I’ve only been teaching it to myself for five years… so I don’t know a lot yet.
Tom: [Silence]
Adler: Enough about me though, how’s the guy who plays Spider-man?
Tom: I’m all right…
Adler: Oh you’re more than “alright”…
Tom: How do you mean…?
Adler: You don’t have to play coy with me… I follow you on the gram… I KNOW what you’ve been up to, you stud…. you casanova… you adonis… you—I can’t think of any other synonym. Frankly, I’m surprised I even came up with those two.
Tom: [looks at me confused]
Adler: I’m talking about you, Spider-Man, having officially found his Mary Jane.
Tom: Nadia?
Adler: So you admit it. You’re together.
Tom: [laughs] We’ve been hanging out… yes.
Adler: I knew it! Once again, my horoscope was right… damn you, horoscope from astrology.com… HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Tom: Your horoscope predicted my relationship with Nadia…?
Adler: Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. It predicted that I was going to be right. It was written clear as chocolate water: “Do not ignore your gut”.
Tom: Is chocolate water even—
Adler: How long has this been going on between you two? I have no gut feeling about that.
Tom: I would love to tell you… but I’m afraid that’s between me and Nadia.
Adler: I understand what you’re trying to do…. you’re trying to protect your relationship from the outside world… but you can trust me. I won’t say a word to anyone…. I’ll just publish it. And who even reads anymore?
Tom: [laughs]
Adler: Can you at least tell me if your parents know about her? Cause no one tells their parents about a random hookup…. Unless you’re freakishly close to them, and that’s just weird. No one should be THAT close to their creators.
Tom: [laughs] Yes, my parents know about her.
Adler: I hear wedding bells…
Tom: Gosh no. It’s wayyyy too soon for that.
Adler: No, I mean I literally hear wedding bells. Is there a church nearby?
Tom: I think… that’s my buddy’s ringtone…
Adler: Suzushi, suzushi.
Tom: What does that mean…?
Adler: It’s either ‘Cool’ or ‘rotten’… I’m not 100% sure.
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