After recovering from Covid-19, Prince Charles agreed to sit down with me and talk about his health scare, his relationship with Camilla and the possibility of taking over the kingdom.
Bea: Hi Charles. Thanks for doing this with me.
Charles: Yes, of course.
Bea: How are you feeling?
Charles: Much better, thank you. My doctor says I’m very healthy.
Bea: Well, as healthy as a 71-year-old can be.
Charles: [Silence]
Bea: How’s your wife Camilla?
Charles: The Duchess is still in self-isolation until the end of the week.
Bea: Are you looking forward to seeing her?
Charles: Of course. I’ve missed her very much.
Bea: Do you still sleep in the same bed? I’ve always wondered…
[A member of Charles’ staff asks me not to inquire about the Duke and Duchess’ sexual rituals.]
Bea: I didn’t ask if they have coitus—obviously they don’t. I merely asked if they sleep in the same bed.
[The same staff member asks me not to say the word ‘coitus’ in front of the Prince of Wales.]
Bea: Okay, fine. How’s your mother, Charles?
Charles: The Queen is good. She’s self-isolating in Windsor Castle with my dad, and they are both in good spirits.
Bea: I’m very happy to hear that. I really like the Queen.
Charles: A lot of people do. My mother is a remarkable person and has done a lot for the UK.
Bea: She’s such a cutie patootie.
Charles: [Silence]
Bea: It will be a truly sad day when she finally kicks the bucket.
Charles: [Silence]
Bea: Are you ready to assume the throne and perform the royal duties once that happens, Charles?
Charles to his staff: Can someone please tell this woman to stop calling me ‘Charles’. I am the Prince of Wales.
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