At 8:00 am, an article about Kylie Jenner being a fraud was published on Forbes magazine website. By 8:02 I was already on the phone with Kris Jenner. Convincing her to do an interview to “set the record straight” was the easiest thing I’ve done all day. But it’s still pretty early so that could change any moment.
Kris was so eager to speak with me that she had her driver pick me up at 8:30 am. I came out of my apartment at 9:00 am because no woman has ever gotten ready in 30 minutes and looked good. Ever.
From the moment I arrived, Kris was a sweetheart. She even kissed me hello and completely ignored the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic. Now we both have to get tested for coronavirus. I’m mad as hell, to be honest.
Kris: Can you please just let it go?
Bea: You had ONE job, Kristen. To stay 6 feet away.
Kris: I said I was sorry. It was a reflex.
Bea: You couldn’t help yourself, could you? You HAD to kiss me.
[Silence]
Kris: So about that Forbes article…
Bea: What about it?
Kris: I want everyone to know that everything they published is completely untrue. And I am disgusted… write that down… DIS-GUS-TED… by what they wrote.
Bea: You and I both, lady. I am also feeling pretty disgusted right now.
Kris: Bashing my baby like that… what they wrote was toxic. Add that to your notes. TOX-IC.
Bea: Uh-huh.
Kris: Kylie is devastated, to say the least. She puts up a brave front, but I know my baby. She is crushed… Crushed by a world that is CORRUPT.
Bea: Well, at least that last part is true. The world is corrupt, unfortunately. But that has nothing to do with Forbes saying Kylie is not a billionaire.
Kris: Excuse me? That has—
Bea: And what does it matter anyway? She’s still one of the richest people in the world. She is blessed beyond measure… She could buy the publication and be done with this problem. She’s that rich!
I don’t know if it was Kris’ kiss or what was going on with me…. but I was on FIRE!
Kris: Yes, that’s good. Write that down and pretend I said it.
Bea: There’s too much going on in the world right now, Kristen. Let’s focus our energy and attention on what’s important.
Kris: Like what? Save baby pandas?
Bea: Sure. Or … help fight climate change or donate money to find a vaccine to cure coronavirus. Whatever you think is more relevant.
Look at me telling freaking Kris Jenner what to do with her time and money. My mama should be effing proud.
Kris: You’re right… I just don’t like it when—
Bea: Shhhh… it’s okay… You’re okay.
Yes, that happened. I shushed Kris Jenner in her own house.
I left feeling pretty good about myself. Kris hugged me goodbye and I didn’t even care. She said she’d pay for my coronavirus test anyway.
This could be the beginning of a very important friendship. For Kris Jenner. I am an awesome friend.
Read more interviews by Bea:
—Sofia Richie Opens Up About the Real Reason She Broke Up with Scott Disick
—Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas Can’t Stop Touching Each Other and It’s Grossing People Out
—Meghan Markle Gives an Unexpected Tour of Her LA Mansion (with Pictures)
